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Archive for April, 2009

Spectator Sport

Alex Massie of The Spectator has just blogged:

Swine Flu Fever

If they can panic in Washington DC, then, for heavens’ sake, we can have some hysteria here too:

The first Britons confirmed to have caught swine flu have been discharged from hospital after recovering.

This will obviously disappoint the BBC, who’ve been hoping that Swine flu will make up for the great disappointment that was bird flu’s failure to bump us all off. Still, this news, while obviously a setback, won’t be enough to stop them from telling us that we’re all going to die next week.

Are they finally catching-on, do you think?

++Update++
Well, the answer is a resounding ‘no!’. Massie was absolutely correct in his prediction that the BBC would drain as much drama out of this nonsense as possible. Newsnight, part of the televisual arm of Downing St. Media Services, has led with it, saying exactly what the government wants it to say.

They’re trotting out bucketloads of healthscare professionals, of whom there is an apparently endless supply, to give a bit more impetus to the panic. Chief Medical Loony, Liam Donaldson, is also on hand to launch yet another full scale attack on common sense, lest there be an outbreak of that increasingly rare thought disease somewhere in the country. Heaven forbid!

++Update 2++
Now it’s top topic on Question Time. Remember, folks: eight people are feeling poorly. Eight. And now honorary healthscare specialist Hillary Benn is telling people how to use tissues.
I give up. If people are that bloody stupid they deserve to get Ebola.

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Spectator Sport

Alex Massie of The Spectator has just blogged:

Swine Flu Fever

If they can panic in Washington DC, then, for heavens’ sake, we can have some hysteria here too:

The first Britons confirmed to have caught swine flu have been discharged from hospital after recovering.

This will obviously disappoint the BBC, who’ve been hoping that Swine flu will make up for the great disappointment that was bird flu’s failure to bump us all off. Still, this news, while obviously a setback, won’t be enough to stop them from telling us that we’re all going to die next week.

Are they finally catching-on, do you think?

++Update++
Well, the answer is a resounding ‘no!’. Massie was absolutely correct in his prediction that the BBC would drain as much drama out of this nonsense as possible. Newsnight, part of the televisual arm of Downing St. Media Services, has led with it, saying exactly what the government wants it to say.

They’re trotting out bucketloads of healthscare professionals, of whom there is an apparently endless supply, to give a bit more impetus to the panic. Chief Medical Loony, Liam Donaldson, is also on hand to launch yet another full scale attack on common sense, lest there be an outbreak of that increasingly rare thought disease somewhere in the country. Heaven forbid!

++Update 2++
Now it’s top topic on Question Time. Remember, folks: eight people are feeling poorly. Eight. And now honorary healthscare specialist Hillary Benn is telling people how to use tissues.
I give up. If people are that bloody stupid they deserve to get Ebola.

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Pandemic!


Funny Logo (stolen)

Pretty hopeless at the comedy stuff as I am, I’ll leave it to the Daily Mash to pour witty scorn over the behaviour of our monumentally awful governments.

Remember, these are the same worldwide political classes of total incompetents who prefer to let millions die from treatable diseases in the third world, (or thousands to die in filthy hospitals in Britain) so they damn well have it coming.

A taste from the Mash monstering:

As confirmed cases in Europe leapt from probably 14 to possibly 19, officials said the very small number of people infected meant it was vital governments across the world were prepared to use the word ‘pandemic’ as often as possible.

Martin Bishop, from Doncaster, said: “I thought it was when millions of people were infected, bodies were piled outside cemeteries and doors were daubed with a big, red ‘X’ to indicate a ‘house of the unclean’.

“But then I looked it up and sure enough it said ‘Pandemic, noun – 19 people in four different countries, each with a slight temperature and a bottle of Lucozade’. So there you go.

Most humorous.

Read Full Post »

Pandemic!


Funny Logo (stolen)

Pretty hopeless at the comedy stuff as I am, I’ll leave it to the Daily Mash to pour witty scorn over the behaviour of our monumentally awful governments.

Remember, these are the same worldwide political classes of total incompetents who prefer to let millions die from treatable diseases in the third world, (or thousands to die in filthy hospitals in Britain) so they damn well have it coming.

A taste from the Mash monstering:

As confirmed cases in Europe leapt from probably 14 to possibly 19, officials said the very small number of people infected meant it was vital governments across the world were prepared to use the word ‘pandemic’ as often as possible.

Martin Bishop, from Doncaster, said: “I thought it was when millions of people were infected, bodies were piled outside cemeteries and doors were daubed with a big, red ‘X’ to indicate a ‘house of the unclean’.

“But then I looked it up and sure enough it said ‘Pandemic, noun – 19 people in four different countries, each with a slight temperature and a bottle of Lucozade’. So there you go.

Most humorous.

Read Full Post »

Pandemic!


Funny Logo (stolen)

Pretty hopeless at the comedy stuff as I am, I’ll leave it to the Daily Mash to pour witty scorn over the behaviour of our monumentally awful governments.

Remember, these are the same worldwide political classes of total incompetents who prefer to let millions die from treatable diseases in the third world, (or thousands to die in filthy hospitals in Britain) so they damn well have it coming.

A taste from the Mash monstering:

As confirmed cases in Europe leapt from probably 14 to possibly 19, officials said the very small number of people infected meant it was vital governments across the world were prepared to use the word ‘pandemic’ as often as possible.

Martin Bishop, from Doncaster, said: “I thought it was when millions of people were infected, bodies were piled outside cemeteries and doors were daubed with a big, red ‘X’ to indicate a ‘house of the unclean’.

“But then I looked it up and sure enough it said ‘Pandemic, noun – 19 people in four different countries, each with a slight temperature and a bottle of Lucozade’. So there you go.

Most humorous.

Read Full Post »


And, by God, they’re good at what they do.

As WHO cranks-up the drama to a Level 5 panic, once more the scale of the actual sickness fails miserably to keep pace with perfectly matches the scale of government displacement activity (GDA). A standard, full-scale GDA response has been triggered by the Chief Medical Loony Officer: Scot, Liam Donaldson.

Orders for millions of doses of expensive anti-common sense vaccines have been placed as a contingency against localised outbreaks of rational thought, and millions more German surgical masks have been ordered to head-off any shortfall in expenditure from the extra-special Mandatory Money-Wasting Budget. These masks are only to be worn by the hundreds of thousands of accredited health scare professionals. “It’s more than just a uniform thing,” according to Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Spokesman for Health Scares, “they only work for frontline health scare staff, because health scare professionals are, in fact, a different species of human being altogether, I’m reliably informed.”

Special action, made possible by new laws now available to GDA officials under the Plan to Avoid Natural Incredulity and Common Sense (PANICS) legislation (2006), is to be taken against (soon-to-be) discredited journalist Simon Jenkins for this dangerously level-headed article in a major national newspaper today. He wrote:

Epidemiologists love the word “could” because it can always assure them of a headline. During the avian flu mania, Canada geese were treated like Goering’s bombers. RSPB workers were issued with protective headgear.The media went berserk, with interviewers asking why the government did not close all schools “to prevent up to 50,000 deaths”. The Today programme’s John Humphrys became frantic when a dead goose flopped down on an isolated Scottish beach and a hapless local official refused to confirm the BBC’s hysteria. The bird might pose no threat to Scotland, but how dare he deny London journalists a good panic?

Meanwhile a real pestilence, MRSA and C difficile, was taking hold in hospitals. It was suppressed by the medical profession because it appeared that they themselves might be to blame. These diseases have played a role in thousands of deaths in British hospitals – the former a reported 1,652 and the latter 8,324 in 2007 alone. Like deaths from alcoholism, we have come to regard hospital-induced infection as an accident of life, a hazard to which we have subconsciously adjusted.

This appalling complacency in the face of a threat that could mean the end of all human and pig life as we know it will not go unpunished. GDA has already issued an order for Mr Jenkins’ removal from the Prime Minister’s Christmas card list. However, it was decided that some leniency be afforded Jenkins in acknowledgment of his decision not to include in his scurrilous report the irrelevant facts that 250 million people suffered and one million people died from Malaria last year alone, thanks mainly to the entirely logical decision taken by top WHO Health Scare Professionals to advise countries recently not to use DDT to combat this disease, stating that it was “very much concerned with health consequences from the use of DDT”.

A WHO insider claimed, sensibly: “Well, new types of effective DDT are extremely expensive to research, develop and distribute and malaria victims are only poor bastards who’re gonna die from something else anyway, so why bother? If they were Americans or even Brits, of course – well, that’s a different matter altogether, isn’t it? “

Jenkins’ outbursts concerning other officially ignored infections…

MRSA and C difficile are not like swine flu, an opportunity for public figures to scare and posture and spend money. They are diseases for which the government is to blame. They claim no headlines and no Cobra priority. Their sufferers must crawl away and die in silence.

were roundly condemned by the official spokeman for the Department of Government Displacement Activities as ‘unnecessary and wholely unfounded scare-mongering from a dangerously level-headed, non-Health Scare Professional.

‘Mr Jenkins should get his priorities right,’ she added.

==Stop Press==
The Daily Mash is next on our list of swine flu apocalypse deniers to be silenced,” the spokesman mumbled, apparently in what she thought was an inaudible afterthought.

Read Full Post »


And, by God, they’re good at what they do.

As WHO cranks-up the drama to a Level 5 panic, once more the scale of the actual sickness fails miserably to keep pace with perfectly matches the scale of government displacement activity (GDA). A standard, full-scale GDA response has been triggered by the Chief Medical Loony Officer: Scot, Liam Donaldson.

Orders for millions of doses of expensive anti-common sense vaccines have been placed as a contingency against localised outbreaks of rational thought, and millions more German surgical masks have been ordered to head-off any shortfall in expenditure from the extra-special Mandatory Money-Wasting Budget. These masks are only to be worn by the hundreds of thousands of accredited health scare professionals. “It’s more than just a uniform thing,” according to Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Spokesman for Health Scares, “they only work for frontline health scare staff, because health scare professionals are, in fact, a different species of human being altogether, I’m reliably informed.”

Special action, made possible by new laws now available to GDA officials under the Plan to Avoid Natural Incredulity and Common Sense (PANICS) legislation (2006), is to be taken against (soon-to-be) discredited journalist Simon Jenkins for this dangerously level-headed article in a major national newspaper today. He wrote:

Epidemiologists love the word “could” because it can always assure them of a headline. During the avian flu mania, Canada geese were treated like Goering’s bombers. RSPB workers were issued with protective headgear.The media went berserk, with interviewers asking why the government did not close all schools “to prevent up to 50,000 deaths”. The Today programme’s John Humphrys became frantic when a dead goose flopped down on an isolated Scottish beach and a hapless local official refused to confirm the BBC’s hysteria. The bird might pose no threat to Scotland, but how dare he deny London journalists a good panic?

Meanwhile a real pestilence, MRSA and C difficile, was taking hold in hospitals. It was suppressed by the medical profession because it appeared that they themselves might be to blame. These diseases have played a role in thousands of deaths in British hospitals – the former a reported 1,652 and the latter 8,324 in 2007 alone. Like deaths from alcoholism, we have come to regard hospital-induced infection as an accident of life, a hazard to which we have subconsciously adjusted.

This appalling complacency in the face of a threat that could mean the end of all human and pig life as we know it will not go unpunished. GDA has already issued an order for Mr Jenkins’ removal from the Prime Minister’s Christmas card list. However, it was decided that some leniency be afforded Jenkins in acknowledgment of his decision not to include in his scurrilous report the irrelevant facts that 250 million people suffered and one million people died from Malaria last year alone, thanks mainly to the entirely logical decision taken by top WHO Health Scare Professionals to advise countries recently not to use DDT to combat this disease, stating that it was “very much concerned with health consequences from the use of DDT”.

A WHO insider claimed, sensibly: “Well, new types of effective DDT are extremely expensive to research, develop and distribute and malaria victims are only poor bastards who’re gonna die from something else anyway, so why bother? If they were Americans or even Brits, of course – well, that’s a different matter altogether, isn’t it? “

Jenkins’ outbursts concerning other officially ignored infections…

MRSA and C difficile are not like swine flu, an opportunity for public figures to scare and posture and spend money. They are diseases for which the government is to blame. They claim no headlines and no Cobra priority. Their sufferers must crawl away and die in silence.

were roundly condemned by the official spokeman for the Department of Government Displacement Activities as ‘unnecessary and wholely unfounded scare-mongering from a dangerously level-headed, non-Health Scare Professional.

‘Mr Jenkins should get his priorities right,’ she added.

==Stop Press==
The Daily Mash is next on our list of swine flu apocalypse deniers to be silenced,” the spokesman mumbled, apparently in what she thought was an inaudible afterthought.

Read Full Post »

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